ushering in the new year, 2008.

so here we are.. at the very last day of the year 2007. this year has been a pretty trying one for me (as like all the past years?) i find it really hard to look back and try to reflect on all that happened during this year. maybe i shan't, or i'd probably start crying which is not a very good start for the new year.

having said all that i suppose the only thing im glad which happened during this year were the great pals i found (u all know who u are). but of course special mention would go to my smally chums aka gf. like in the lil card u wrote, im equally as glad u came into my life and how amazing it really has been that our friendship deepened so much within such a short period of time. honestly, words will never be able to express how much u mean to me. thanks for being my pillar of support, be it at work, personal, family.. u were always there for me. *muaks* i love u.

and for the new year... i have nothing much to say. i dont make resolutions because i know i can never keep to them. so lets juz bow our heads, clasp our hands, grit our teeth and pray hard that this new year will be great for one and all.

oh and for all difficult years (starting from the time i cld think sensibly on my own) i've had i always like to do something 'painful' nearing the end of the year to remind myself that i made it through alive. so 2007 was one of these years....



Cheers to all~ lets get drunk...

sudden attack of frustration?

so its almost midnight and i had a sudden urge that i really need to drink so here i am with my nice bottle of hoe (which happens to be my last, damn itz). not sure why but the urge came with a bout of frustration? is that how alcoholics feel?

so today i planned to stay home, watch telly and to keep mum company but someone had to call me to go out. lets name this person t. so t was in orchard alone and me knowing that i was that someone t wld call juz to fill in the in between gaps in t's life, i still went ahead to meet t. rushed out and everything so we met to have a late lunch. after lunch t decided that we shld go home and i was like WHAT? so i was left speechless and we shared a cab back. a short lil trip like that burnt almost $50. it leaves me wondering sometimes y am i always the sucker/dork/idiot/dumbass? y do i subject myself to such nonsense? y cant i reject ppl nicely? juz say no? i think one of my new year's resolution wld be that.


so now its back to my lonely bot of hoe and me..

congrats to mr tan ah beng and mrs tan ah lian!

as u can see 29/12/2007 was the big day for leonard and shimin, they held their wedding banquet at pan pac. i quite enjoyed it, think its due to the company and also the couple were pretty sporting when we tried to make them drink. but wasnt too impressed with the service staff, especially the one serving our table. gosh... damn annoying. anyways frankie and i had the time of our life bitching abt her. ha



anyways i felt like a freakshow on the loose.. very uncomfortable in what i was wearin. chums and shimin disallowed me to wear jeans so i had no choice but to dress the way i did. half the time i was fidgeting, making sure the shawl was concealing my humongous beer belly. gosh.. how torturous. and so it came to the part we were tryin to make the bride drink and she had to 'strip' me... take my shawl away from me and everyone started snapping pics, paparazzis! here's one for the record.. compliments of *ahem*... tsk



had to take a picture with the bride even tho she 'stripped' me... bleh

then they wanted to go for drinks after the dinner ended and i was game but suddenly received a sms from mummy saying she was vomitting and felt giddy and all. so we juz took some pictures and i headed home. thank u chums for sendin me back home to mummy, sorry we didnt manage to go for drinks. think it wld have been fun? but there can always be another time... ? alrights, shall go off to try and attend to mummy now. its 315 and she still cant get to sleep.. sigh

its swell not having to work

so well... i've been on leave from the 14th of Dec and its gonna go on till the 2nd of Jan. haven't accomplished much these 2 wks. juz growing fat cuz 'tis the season to be fatty'.. haha. feeling lazy too which explains why i haven't been blogging as much as i used to.

its juz swell not having to work. ahhh if only such good times wld last. i mean i cld dont work but that'd mean i wun have money to spend to which is totally sucky. so anyways lemme summarise wad went on for the past 2 wks. been going out quite abit. to watch movies, for lunches and dinners, for xmas shopping (it got so bad until i was losing my appetite cuz my brains were totally f*cked thinking of wad to buy). other than all that i was spending a good part of my time boozing (of course, thats like a staple in my life) can never do without it. and how cld i do without wala's.... heh

spent xmas eve at wala's cuz the unxpected was playing there. thanks to bello's friends who 'donated' drinks to us we both got quite darn high, to the extent i was slurring and bell was wobbling ard. not a very nice sight. haha. but i had a great time nontheless. shan't elaborate much or my gf wld start her nonsense again. pls dont do the big gang-up together on me again? puhhhhleaseeeeeee...?

today we met for lunch at skinny chums place and did gift exchange there. had fun with the whole buncha old groupies. =) then we dropped by the office for smally chums to drop off her pressies to all in the office. realised almost everyone got pressies for me too and panicked, luckily chums allowed me to 'share' her pressies. sucha lifesaver as always. came home and ripped open all the pressies after dinner. its amazing how much time u take to wrap something (i hate wrapping) and how effortless it is to rip the wrapping apart in juz a matter of seconds?? and chums says i cant wrap.. hey i tried ok! i nv had to do such things myself before... bear with me alright??! anyways back to the pressies, lets only touch on those which made an impression on me.. so to mention there's only like 2. the one chums got for me, which is like 2 smurf lil piggy banks. yea cuz i ever told her i like smurfs and its almost like extinct in sg? she managed to find these 2 lil cuties in hkg and thanks for the really sweet note that came along with it. i can nv describe how glad i am to have found a friend like u. *muaks* ok then comes the other not very nice one... it came in a crappy brown wrapper that looks reused, when i tore it open this very weird smell arosed.. its a shoe freshener?! and 1 look at the packaging u know its been sitting in a deserted corner for very long. i mean dont u feel embarrassed giving away such presents? cuz i feel disgusted receiving it... if u really dont feel like giving then don't. nobody is forcing u to, like with a knife to ur throat? i know what it means when they say its the thought that counts.. i'd rather u have wrote me a short and simple note juz saying merry xmas and i'd have felt better than receiving a present like that... wad say u all???!

whats wrong with thee humankind nowadays? -_-

my newfound jealousy

darn! the weekend has come and is goin off in a jiffy. its so not fair. havent had time to do much... and so i was back at my fav hangout yday. didnt drink hoe tho, settled for kilkenny (refer back to my previous post on hoe overdose).

i think i really like shirlyn from the unxpected. dont ya all think she excudes attitude? *swoons* can never get enough of her singing albeit the bunch of malay/indian a**holes (im sorry for sounding racist but i dont see other races behaving like them) who were making a hell lotta NOISE.

anyways i texted my fellow emo elmo to tell her i like shirlyn and her reply was like 'ha i already know that. took you long enough to realise!' .............................. *speechless*



today i actually managed to get up at 9am to go to church with mummy, zachy and my bro. sis-in-law is out of town. hasn't been a great wk for me, didnt sleep well becuz of some weird incident. think when ur spirits are low, things tend to happen to u. it was quite a good sermon today, abt xmas. the pastor's quite interesting, brought in alot of present day incidents that we can relate too and also with some humour. who knows i might juz go back to church on a regular basis... and it helps that mum keeps insisting? besides i get to play with zach who drooled all over me today *tsk*. best thing when i pecked him on his cheek he went like 'wet wet, wet wet' when he's the one drooling all over! *rolls eyes* but i still love him... silly ah poo.

dedicated to my one and only crabbie...

no matter how far away u are, u know deep down inside i still love u. *muaks*

hoe overdose.

after a long long time ah ho finally decided to ask me to wala's, well how could i reject her even though i was down with bad stomach cramps? had to ask skinny chums along cuz i miss her so much. thanks for making the effort to come down after a long day at work. =) ah ho asked ah yao along cuz they bumped into each other at work but ah yao played us out, i kinda expected it la. bello and al cldnt make it too cuz they had ent with the hrcc idiots. buncha fools trying to fleece us juz cuz they're gonna help to answer the rsvns phonecalls. comp stay and free meals at our outlets. bah!


anyways back to wala's.. so ah ho and i were deciding what we were gonna drink and we decided on hoe and i looked ard and realise that they have the big 750ml bottles back! woooohooo! in all excitement i ordered 4 bots of it, being 1 for 1 we ended up with 8 bots and only 3 of us to finish it. oh gosh... when chums came at 11ish ah ho and i were only done with 5 bots. the moment we finished the 5th bot i felt sick already. met up with my fellow emo elmo cuz she was ard the area. anyways good for u that u've decided to stay off cigs but your reasoning is crap! lol. oh and i was damn sad shirlyn wasnt singing. some malay guy stood in for her cuz she's on holiday in melbourne and he had damn alot of actions while singing which ah ho totally detested. she said he looked like 'sun wu kong' incarnate? haha. so after the 3rd set we were left with 2 unopened bots which i asked the waitress what could we do about it and she was like u can take it away. which she put it in the ugliest plastic bag and i felt like a swine having to bring it out. oh wells... so the 2 bots are now with chums and she's gonna put it at her shop so we can go by and chill after work. cool..... am looking forward to that.

from one blog to another..

dont feel like blogging about the past week at work cuz it has just been as sucky as its always been. but instead this entry will be about a friend's blog which i was looking at, it kinda like sparked some interest in me to wanna elaborate further on it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
here are some references taken from her blog.

'Humans r contradicting, weak n watever shit u can tink of. They alwaz succumb to lust, temptation, greed, fame n materialism (trust me).'

'Coz im only human, its an ez excuse. Tis is my fate. don't probe, don't ask, don't question and juz mind your ur own business.'

'I wld say dat Im a practical person. I can be in e same job for a fuckin decade, juz like I can be in a r/s for a decade.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i agree on the part on humans. i think we all do and we are all victims ourselves at one time or another for giving in to lust, temptation, greed, fame, materialism. you'll probably have to be a saint or something to be able to curb giving in to such. thats very sad, its gonna cause the fall of all mankind. ok i know im exaggerating here. and yes dont we always say 'we're only human' when we get ourselves into some shit we try to get out of? this is something we cant retaliate against, like duh right unless u're really not human?! yea so we'll just continue blaming it on us being human, blame it on fate, blame it on a force stronger than us... the blame game. oz principle! dont we all at some point of our lives find it sucha drag like as if the world owes us something when in fact it doesnt? how our lives can always be better especially when we start comparing it to those we are better off than us? but have we tried comparing ourselves to those we arent doing better than us? NO. why cant we just be contented with what we have? why do we have all this mechanism in us that makes us want to have more than what we already do?

and lastly i can never be as practical as my friend. be in the same job for a decade? be in a r/s for a decade? I CANT, especially not with my present job. be in the same r/s for a decade? from the looks of it very soon i'd be able to take up the vow of celibacy? hahahaha cant believe i said that and tickled myself.

sheer stupidity and immense irresponsibility..

and so the topic of my blog has once again been proven to me by the one. and here i am sitting here in utter disgust and in full contempt of the one. like i always say some ppl ought to be shot and on this fine day i found another one to add to my hit list. ppl on my hit list, thank ur lucky stars im not a sniper or all of u wld have been long dead and faded away into the past like how a cockroach is being stepped on and u dun even give two hoots abt it. BAH!



my sincere apologies to my honourable mimi who always has to listen to me nag and thereafter feel helpless and keep telling me to relax. im sure u can empathise with my frustration. sometimes i juz dunno wad to do, im sure u can understand how i feel? can u all please knock some sense into the thick numbskull of the one? and i still cant believe he's been promoted to senior. i promise u all i'd nv call FO and ask for a snr in future if thats the kinda snrs u all have. im sorry this may sound rude and yes its personal but i dont give a shit after the way he spoke to me this afternoon. yes, disregard me if u muz but to me u are NOTHING. and from now on i will only selectively choose to speak to the 5 of u remaining peeps, my groupies. the rest can all juz die for all i care.

~HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED~

beautiful saturday..

had fun on saturday... was supposed to go back to work to finish up some stuff but it didnt quite work out. i always plan to go back to work on saturdays but end of the day i keep putting it off. it juz shows how much i detest goin to work. *pukes* bad enough that i stayed at work till ard 11pm on friday.

so anyways lemme speak of my fun saturday. mum woke me up at ard 1130 to prepare and head out for lunch with my extended family members cuz one of my uncles is leaving for Doha next wk to work for 2yrs, to construct the airport there. kinda like a farewell lunch for him and at the same time to celebrate my grandpop's bday which is like a wk away. so they organised for lunch at a chinese restaurant at orchid country club, we always go there cuz apparantly the head chef there is my grandpop's 'disciple'. yea my grandpop's used to be a chef and he used to stay with my family when i was younger like in pri sch, maybe that explains why im obese cuz i grew up with unhealthy but super yummylicious food! haha. Zach was ard too and of cuz he was the centre of attraction cuz its been a very long while since we had sucha young kid amongst us. here are some pics we took....


'YUM SING!' we'll always use this stunt to cheat zach into drinking his water and it works all the time.. haha


Zach dancing... can u see how bored i am? i was actually wearing zach's hat. hahaha


mum and her siblings.. short of the uncle who's leaving for Doha. she has 4 siblings. and of cuz Zach and the aunt next to my mum are not her siblings la. -duh-

alright thats abt all the pics i have for the family gathering. after lunch went home to rest abit and then took a cab to meet suew, liah, norain, nickole at central for dinner. pasta waraku. again its nothing to shout abt. kinda overpriced too. no pics for this... shall wait for liah and norain to start posting the pics and then i'd grab it from them cuz they were the ones with the digicams and they practically took pics of everything! *rolls eyes* i never quite liked taking pics anyways. oh then after dinner we headed to cineleisure to watch 'beowulf' haha and we kept calling it BEO-WOLF when in fact its BEAR-WOLF but we had abit of time to waste before the show started so we had some drinks at a cafe on the 2nd flr of cine. dunno the name but they loan out board and card games so we borrowed uno. ha retard.. we only managed to complete 2 games within 45mins? and both games suew lost! and liah was the naggy one who hates me cuz i kept making her draw many many cards cuz she didnt have any red cards! wahahaha. so after that we proceeded for the movie but i didnt really enjoy it. to begin with animation is not my cuppa tea and the only person who looked real in the show was angelina jolie, like y am i not surprised. ha. liah had real difficulties trying to stay awake and she dozed off a couple of times.. tsk. anyways had fun with my girlies! and as always i miss those times we slogged and bitched at work! those were the days.... lol

unbearable..

the days at work are really getting intolerable. chums mood at work seems to get worser by the day. think we all need a break. as in really break free and not be in the slightest way associated with the shithole we are in now. *sigh* felt sick today. in fact we all feel sick the moment we step foot into the shithole. the repulsive symptoms we suffer from. makes me nauseous. that aside...

watched the wizard of oz at work today.. its becuz of some oz principles course that we all have to go through. i kinda enjoyed it cuz it was a long long time ago since i watched it and i only remembered bits and pieces of it. cant say the same for the rest think most of the rest of the audience probably never watched it before. sometimes i feel glad for the stuff my mum exposed us to when we were kids. the kinda shows she let us watch and the songs we listened to. i feel she gave us the best and made sure we didnt miss out on anything good. chums like i always tell u i have good upbringing! :P

i took half day leave yday so that i could go queue up for the linkin park concert. bad move cuz i ended up only leaving work ard 6 didnt see the bloody point of taking leave when in the end i leave at ard the same time as i knock off. wasted half a day's leave due to another individual's incompetence and unhelpfulness. oh wells when skinny and i got there it was a lil before 7 there was already a long queue but somehow due to some reason we managed to cut the queue got an ok place to stand at. i dont think i'd ever buy standing tickets for any concert again. too old can't stand for long and hate rubbing and squeezing with smelly and sweaty ppl (esp the matts). *eeks* so the show started an hr late and only lasted 1.5hrs. overall i felt it was only an ok performance. nothing to scream abt. good experience but dont think i'd do it again. right skinny chum? -_-

getting lazier to blog..

been feelin lazy to blog recently. even when i m bothered to log on most of the time im juz snooping ard trying to read my personal emails or im juz chatting over msn. dont really remember most of wad happened during the early wk. my recollection only begins from thurs onward... so i shall start from thurs..

thurs
damn happy cuz its PH and didnt have to go to work... spent most part of the day sleeping. had tix to go watch zhang hui mei concert. it wasnt too bad. we had comp tix becuz she was staying with us(theres a whole dramatic story to how the tix ended up with us but i dun quite wanna go thru it now cuz it'd piss me off) but the view was kinda restricted but cant complain. it was kinda like a ktv session for me cuz we sing quite abit of her songs durin our ktv outings and furthermore they had like lyrics flashin across the huge screens. had a gd time with chummy. as long as shes ard im happy. hahaha.. dUh.

fri
HORRIBLE day at work and i kinda realised everytime that fat piece of crap is on leave i'd be terribly pissed with him. may he die when i go on leave during dec. im so looking forward to it and i hope gg goes on leave too so he'd really really die and understand how i feel even tho i think i do very good passovers and dun leave a bad after-taste for ppl who take over my duties. my msn tagline was.. ''some ppl juz ought to DIE.. for a good cause' yea self-explanatory. moving along.. i rcvd a trunk call from my boss who's in hkg tellin me very subtly that i needed to stay for my group which was checking in past midnight. damn sad. i had to stay over at the hotel and the whole group check in saga ended at ard 3am and i had to get up the next morning at 730am to watch over the group breakfast. sigh..

sat
so i started off my day really early. at 730am... headed back to the room to sleep at 9+am... woke up again at 12nn to go back to work. thank goodness thru all this i had aL's company which really made cheered me up a lil. i mean its like disgusting having to go thru all this alone la and she so happened to need to work as long hrs as me (for her its fricking long hrs anytime anyday :x) i persuaded her to leave work at 5 with me to go meet bello at bishan so that i cld go get a haircut at my usual salon. surprisingly it wasnt crowded like usual.. being a sat. so i decided to colour my hair too. and the 2 poor girls had to wait for me la... heh. went to J8 for dinner at 'ding tai feng' and while we were walkin ard after that we all decided to go catch a movie even tho aL and i were like totally dead after only having a few hrs of sleep. so bello decided on watchin stardust, the showtime was like 0005hrs and when we bought the tix it was only 2200hrs meanin we had 2hrs to burn. aL wanted to 'repaint' her nails so we went to get nailpolish and we ended up at some void deck, with bello helpin aL to paint her nails.. so not my cuppa tea so i was sitting there reading on the 8days i bought to entertain myself. ok stardust is not too bad. watchable. very fairytale kinda show. had major problems forcing myself to stay awake thruout the show but i managed to. when the show finally ended i was like yawnin nonstop.... zipped home and knocked out shortly after.

sun
didnt do much today was catchin up on my sleep. feel like im coming down with a sore throat.. am feeling groggy too. shucks. alrights gonna find something eat... ciaos.

beer+food marathon...

been feeling lazy to blog recently.. so lemme try to recap what happened for the past week. so juz skip the work week and head straight into the weekend... starting from thurs...

went to paul's on thurs cuz taxidoor had a dinner to attend, meaning chum could go out with us! heh.. it was funny as usual cuz bello was around.

fri.. didnt manage to accomplish much at work cuz we all went to another hotel for site inspection and spent a good half of the afternoon there. tried their cheesecake and omg it was so goooooood (is this a giveaway?). saw their refurbished rooms and their meeting facilities.. dont have much to say but maybe ccs shouldnt think so highly of themselves anymore? but they think otherwise.... oh wells.. its another one of those ideas i get whereby 'its me against the whole world'... headed to bello's house for the much-anticipated dinner, where i didnt manage to guess what main course we were gonna have. but before that we went to carrefour to buy booze cuz silly bello bought 18cans of carlsberg... and like WHO DRINKS CARLSBERG??! so we decided on hoegaarden. and al made us buy 2 pomelo's for bello's granny... urm like how they always say cannot go to ppl's house empty handed? haha.. bello's house is nice... very cosy. so we had mushroom soup, spaghetti with meatballs, mango pudding. yummy but had overdose of meatballs. and its ikea meatballs. nice. watched sound of music as we planned to but al and chums were battling to stay awake... and chums failed in battle... i'd love to post the pic of her sleepin but she'd kill me so i'd better not. heh. then we also had some drama cuz her granny wasnt home by like 2am. but ended up granny had abit to drink and i guess she forgot abt the time. so worrying! but she got home safe... thats all that matters!

sat... was supposed to go to work and do some work but i woke up feelin sick and tired of work so i decided not to go work. met chums and taxidoor at suntec for pepper lunch! like finally... yummys. after that we went to the car showrooms to check out which car to get. quite decided on mitsubish lancer. the older model. test drove both the old and new models. the new model looks nicer and fiercer but we felt its abit noisier too. but i guess the deciding factor was that the new EX model is like 8k more than the old model. but now daddy is giving me problems... i have a stinking feeling he's not serious abt gettin a car. *sigh* we shall see... so after checkin out the cars we went to ikea to walk ard and bello met us there. had dinner at the hawker ctr across the rd then taxidoor dropped us off at wala's. my comfort drinking place... shirlyn got a new haircut and it looks good on her.

ok i shall stop here... been having a horrible pounding headache for the whole day... i shld get more rest altho i've been already sleepin most part of today....

finally managed to catch up on some work today

finally after rushing ard on fri and sat becuz of the dumbass group, kinda settled down today and managed to warm my lonely seat. had alot of shit left over from last wk.. cleared most of it today but there's still somemore left. hopefully i can lessen it in the next few days so that i can be doing more updated stuff. at the rate im going and if my boss finds out... im gonna be so dead but then again i know there'll always be someone more backdated and slower than me. so.... i dont really care.

my chummies met each other today and smally told me skinny juz got skinnier.. aye all the efforts i went thru to fatten her up before. gone... all down the drain. haha. my poor skinnier? she's been buzzing ard with her restaurant and stuff.. its like i havent seen her in the longest time. tsk. and skinny u'd better go with me to the linkin park concert... else, else... i also dunno wad i'd do. havent quite decided yet. hmmms.. maybe i'd go to ur restaurant and 'chai zhao pai'? u know like those kungfu flicks 'ti guan, chai zhao pai'! ok now im beginning to be a lil crappy. heh... i better log off and go stare at my room walls or something... ciaos.

'I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell
And all my dreams were shattered
All at once

Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
So I must face it all alone

All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once..'

cant cry hard enough..

i think my good friend who's named insomnia is here to stay with me.. through thick and thin. after countless bots of hoes' and resorting to puffing cigs outside my rm's window with the door closed, im mentally drained and physically strained yet im still not sleepy. its almost 3am and it doesnt help with sucha song playing.. and its true when i say 'my sanity hangs by a thread' and may i add its a very thin thread... God save my soul..

I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple good-bye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of few like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

been a busy wk at work..

realised i haven't had the time to log on at home to blog. looking back i used to do it so often. its amazing where i found the strength to log on after a long and sucky day at work and to blog abt it. oh wells.... lemme summarize my wk at work..... hmms.....

then again for the past wk i've been busy mainly because of the dumb artiste group. took up hell lot of my time to sort out their ever-so-often changes, so damn troublesome coordination with the various departments(and it didnt help that some particular dept was damn bloody UNHELPFUL), ever-demanding organisers where everyone gives different instructions and the best part of all they're all bloody cheapos-with low budgets and paying lousy rates. makes me wonder why i have to work so hard?!

decided to drop all my work yday so that i cld head to the FO chalet with the few nice ppl who bothered to wait awhile for me to finish up with my work. still dunno whether it was a gd or bad move for me to go but it doesnt matter anymore cuz the fact is that i went. felt quite out of place but it was still nice seeing all the buddies who braved countless storms with me in the past. those were the gd old days. im very happy for those who have moved on and i pray for those who havent that their day will come soon. left the chalet with a heavy heart that was filled with regret and guilt but i shan't elaborate on that..

in the past week i found out a piece of news that was kinda disheartening for me. i dont understand y there muz be politics at work and why i have to be subjected to it. dont understand why some ppl can be so evil? i dont believe i've done anything towards u. i did my part and served my purpose. why is it u have to always stick up like a sore thumb when things goes against u? honestly, at ur level u shld learn how to be more forgiving and learn how to let go when u have to. u're sucha sad bitch, pls get a life.

today's the longest Saturday ever i spent at work ever since i transferred to sales. yea it had to be the dumbass artiste group. to all those fans, i honestly dont understd wads all the commotion abt? they're all juz humans, except they may be slightly better lookin than the normal chaps u see on the streets? if i didnt remember wrongly i nv did idolise anyone in sucha way. thank goodness. if i ever had kids like that who'd spend unneccesarily to like charter a maxi cab to follow the idols ard or book a rm at like a few hundred bucks, i'd hit the living daylights outta them! and to think i had to be a human barricade.. some dumb girl was actually pushing me from behind and started screaming, i already had this horrible frickin pondin headache and i was like abt to like punch the next person who irritated me. so i turned ard and stared DAMN hard at her, thats when she moved back and stopped screaming. *sigh* teenage girls.. plain irritating. stayed ard till 10+pm.. now im with my bot of hoe, listening to sappy oldies mp3s.. all im missing is a ciggie. *sighhhhHHhhhhHhhhhhh*

been a good wkend..

as all of u know the past week at work has been a horrendous one for me.. the wkend kinda made up for it. sweetened the bad after-taste slightly.

went back to work on sat for a few hrs to clear up ABIT of work(i expected myself to do more but oh well). made a massage appt (felt like i really needed it so bad) it felt so good. then after that went shoppin ard orchard.. retail therapy. spent close to 300bucks. a good half of it i spent at GAP. still cant believe how much they mark up the prices. i think at those factory outlets in US u can get the stuff there at like 1/3 of wad we pay here. dammitz. but i've always liked GAP and since i dont seem to be going to US anytime soon, i'd juz have to fork out such money. *grumbles*

crabbie woke me up with a call this morning. time to wake up for sunday brunch! i shall name the ppl like how "i" did, in secret agent codes. chums i suppose only u'd understand then. haha. so "r+n" were supposed to pick me up and gimme a ride but they were so late and i muz've smoked half my life away. oh btw i went to buy ciggies and the uncle thought i was 16. omg like can someone juz enlighten the poor old man?! or maybe he juz needs a pair of glasses. tsk. anyways i was quite hungry but by the time we got to hyatt i kinda lost the hunger. so "i, y+d" were already there, i mean obviously cuz "r+n" were really late(sorry i cant stop harping on the late part cuz i was hungry and standing for like a good 30mins). so "i" decided to bring me on a tour cuz it was my first time there for brunch. its so her to do that. and then after that she went crazy and refused to believe that it was my first time there. like huh after she brought me on the tour and everything?! anyways the food was good, the company was even better and plus champagne.. i absolutely have no complaints. ohhh the best part was i didnt have to pay cuz its supposed to be a belated bday treat from "i"!! wooohoooooo $118/pax. thats no joke lor. thanks "i"! *muaks* i still love u even tho u call me a lil monkey and always nag at us... wahahahahaha luckily she doesnt read my blog. :P

oh drats.. i better be gettin to bed soon cuz its back to work in a few hrs time. bleh.

i was watching telly earlier and heard this song which i havent heard in a long time. many memories came flashing back.. *sigh*

And I love you so - Don McLean

'And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes, I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me and the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me, too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
That is my belief

And yes, I know how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me and the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know..........'

the day where i can finally take no more..

today has been by far the most overwhelming and horrid day at work. i know how i have previously blogged abt 'the worst days' today is a new milestone to that description. neverending leads, irritating bookers who try to squeeze u off everything they can, endless phonecalls, emails that come in like as if someone is mass spamming ur mailbox and fucking irritating colleagues that think i sit ard the whole day waitin for them to give me stuff to do! cant they juz fucking do their own work and leave me alone juz like how i leave them alone??!

don't fucking push me anymore. i don't wanna come to a day where i turn abusive. and i can honestly say im not far from reaching there. FUCK U ALL... and im sure u know who u are.

'Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?
Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill..'

im a retard still wishing my weekends wld stretch abit longer...

i'd really like to know who came up with the screwed up logic that we have to work 5 days and only get 2 days off?! i mean its totally out of proportions!! and the work week drags on like there's no tmr but the 2 off days goes by with juz like a blink of the eye. like wassup man?!!! oh well all this complaining and whining is not gonna make my wkend any longer so im juz gonna give up.. but i still dont buy the whole crap!! bah!

ok lets talk abt how my wkend went. actually lemme juz start from friday evening cuz there's a story to continue from there. was planning to work late on friday so headed down to the canteen with al and bello to grab some dinner before we head back to work. then we were chattin in the canteen and i was tellin them how my aunt irritated my guy cousin who's like 29yrs old. there was once he went clubbing and reached home ard 3am so shortly after reaching home he went into his rm closed the door and was changin and my aunt starting knockin on his door to ask where he went. thank goodness my mum doesnt wake up in the middle of the night to ask me such crap. and then in the morning my aunt woke my cousin up at like 9am to have breakfast when she knew that he only got home at 3am.. like man... how evil! then i was like my mum wld never do that to me cuz she cant be bothered, which is a good thing. man... was i wrong! as u all know i've been suffering from insomnia recently so i stayed up till ard 5am rewatchin kill bill 1+2. and then *drum rolls* my mum woke me up at 9am to have breakfast with her!! she actually went specially to the market to buy my favourite food... aww its sucha nice gesture but u wun really be appreciative if u were to be dragged outta bed after only sleepin for 4hrs?! i shld nv have made fun of my cuzzie... im sorry! so after brekkie read the whole stack of papers. the papers were really thick for this sat. i read it till abt 12nn but in btwn i was watchin telly too la. felt tired after that and i went to take a nap.. but ended up sleepin till ard 5pm. oops there goes a gd part of my saturday. met al and bello to go wala's. i missed shirlyn and the unxpected so much, its good hearin them again. they play like my comfort music but sometimes i dun like the songs they play but heck shirlyn sings pretty well so it makes up for it. and not to mention we had chix wings again! i think the standard of the wings there is droppin drastically tho. they shld start doing something abt it.. like maybe change the oil? lol. anyways the whole time bello was like complainin abt her butt and how it hurts. we were not even thru the 1st set and she started whining already. gosh. bello i think the next time we're goin there u better like bring a cushion along or something. haha

moving along... today liah invited us to her place becuz of hari raya but only emily and i went. it was ok. liah stop being so apologetic abt not being a good host la. u were fine. and we were entertaining ourselves. hee. i was driving my bro's car today.. its a nice feelin to drive. i have many friends telling me they prefer to be driven than drive, i think i prefer to drive than to be driven. i like the feelin of being behind the wheel and i think i drive damn well. it'd be a pity for the roads to be less of a driver like me. lol. dropped emily off at conrad cuz she needed to pick something up then headed home to pick mummy to go to hv to shop ard and have dinner.. thats abt all i did for the wkend. how pathetic.

its back to work in another 8hrs time! *cries* im glad fat boy is gonna be back. and so the shit goes back to him.. i dun care!!

annoyed, irritated and frustrated.

i had a damn terrible day at work today. its unbelievable how much crap i was put thru. feel my tolerance level has gone up by leaps and bounds. given the past i'd be slamming anything i get get my hands on & spewing vulgarities like how an athelete runs a marathon.

i simply detest my job now. i refuse to accept y i have to pick up after this particular individual. im not paid to, its not within my job descrip to. its juz not fair and when i say its not fair dun gimme the crap that nothing in this world is fair. thats fucking bull! I DONT BUY IT!

i wanna leave but with AWS juz ard the corner, its like i can almost reach it if i juz stretched, its juz not worth it to leave at this point. and if i can stay to get AWS then bonus will also come really soon.. *sigh* i'd juz have to grit my teeth and hang in there... i feel like crying, this is really really bad.

Chummy can we really start planning towards leaving? pleaseeeeeeeee? take it as im begging u? -_-

havent been sleeping well..

the bouts of insomnia is slowly creeping back into my life. been a long while but they decided to revisit me? dont feel tired even into the wee hours of the morning but when its abt time to get up for work i feel like i'd do anything to juz laze for another 5mins in bed. ok maybe the waking up part has nothing to do with the insomnia but instead that i dread work that much. *sighs*

should i rely on pills, alcohol or drugs(if i can get my hands on any that is). ahhh wells life's a bitch, and then i die.

'if heaven calls, i'm coming too
just like you said, you leave my life, i'm better off dead

now the drugs don't work
they just make me worse
but i know i'll see your face again...'

oh juz to clarify things to edz and vonz, im no poet. most of the stuff that i post on my blogs are either song lyrics or stuff written by other ppl. i read alot into songs and stuff and dunno why recently everything i come across seems to be so meaningful or maybe its juz me being sensitive and emotional..

rainy monday

havent been feelin really good past few days. can feel like im almost gonna fall very sick but am still battling it with the medicine i pop before headin off to bed every night.

doesnt really help that chums is feeling down too. im kinda upset that there's nothing much i can do to bring her out of what she's feelin right now. i really feel for her. i've gotten to a point whereby i feel sad when she's sad too. so emo right? chums.. thats how much u mean to me wor. i seldom ever feel so much for others. lol

'Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile'

mildly irritated..

'at least you were frank about it now. thanks.'

whats that supposed to mean? i was never hiding anything to begin with. juz cuz somewhere along the way u picked up the wrong signals and chose to believe things ur way doesnt mean its my fault right? come on.. dont be so petty.

'We read the world wrong and say that it deceives us.'

nothing much, havent done much and its back to work tmr. dammitz.

the blog title says it all.. dun have much to blog abt nowadays also. life is dull and boring. its sleep, work, eat and occasionally drink. thats abt all.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

coming down with a cold

didn't sleep well last night becuz i was coughing the whole night. woke up this morning with my throat feeling super uncomfortable. coughed a big blob of phlegm out. eeeewwwwwwww. then my nose feels runny, throat feels sore and i feel like im coming down with a fever. hate getting sick. esp when i know that taking a day off is juz gonna kill me with more work when i eventually go back to my little messy corner. *sigh*

had dinner with chums, taxidoor and irene becuz irene's date cancelled on her and she juz happened to ask us if we were available for dinner and chum's still owed her a treat for her bday? so i juz happily tagged along. thanks irene for initiating the dinner, thanks chummy for letting me tag along for the free dinner and the ride home, thanks taxidoor for paying for the dinner? hahaha

'I wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.'

sleepy days..

this is gonna be a short one because im feeling really tired. juz swung by to check on my emails and thought at the same time i'd juz put something down here. past few days i've juz been feelin really lethargic. the days seem to draggggg on while at work. im getting really sick of it. i dont think i've ever been so sick of work before. how???! how am i gonna survive till i get my fricking well-deserved bonus!!

these days im juz not doing much anymore. still tryin to find the motivation to cut down on my food and ciggie intake. *sigh* alright i shall head off to bed now or it'd juz be another fucking draggy day at work tmr... dammitz.

'Someone to love
Someone to touch
Someone to hold
Someone to know
Someone to trust'

is it that hard to find someone that fulfils the above and be reciprocal towards it?

barely survived an ah fun's injury prone day..

juz got back from the 2d1n teambuilding we had in JB. overall it was fun other then the fact that i suffered alot of injuries and my whole body was aching. damn suay. shall update on that slightly later when i get some pics from chummy.

had a few drinks with ftee and tg juz after gettin back into s'pore. nic joined us after she was done with work. decided not to drink anymore as we were all exhausted. went for a quick dinner at qiji and headed back home. after i got home, dunno y but i had weird thoughts over something. its not like i drank alot and i felt pretty awake, i was merely physically drained.

decided to go for a walk to clear my head. i realised i can almost think along the frequency of a person who's suicidal but its not like i am suicidal. but its scary. my personal life hasnt been all that great recently. maybe thats y i've been having these crazy thoughts. i imagine abt things that i know will nv happen but it appears seemingly real like as if it juz might happen.. this is totally not doing me any good. im afraid i might juz blurt out these crazy thoughts of mine which will totally upset my norm lifestyle.. to begin with do i even lead a norm lifestyle? with all that said, pls dun come asking me wad i was thinkin abt. like chummy says 'if i tell u, i'd have to kill u' and i dun wish to be a murderer so pls dun ask me..

'first time I looked in ur eyes I knew, there was something special inside of you
you awaken my passion and my curiousity
you were so sincere I knew you'd be there for me

you gave me joy that I never knew
you were sent here to love me cuz I needed you
you helped me get through the worst times in my life

you shared my sadness, my pain, my stride
whenever I dream the impossible dreams
you assured me that they would come true
you stayed in my corner no matter what life could bring
and I pledge my love to u

just like the rain falling to the ground
you washed away my frowns and turned my life around
you made everything good in my life that was bad
you're the greatest friend that I ever had
I want you to be right here beside me forever and a day

for you are my strength, you are my future
and I need you here to stay

what.. what can I give you
in return for the hope that you've given me
just ask and, whatever you want it will be, it will be

you are the piece of the puzzle I need
to make my life full length complete
I love you so and thanks for being my best friend..'

something to ponder on.. do you have such friends? hmmmms...

dun think i ever wanna celebrate my birthday again. no dinners, no cakes and most importantly no singing of the bday song! *faints*

and so i thought i could escape the whole birthday celebration thingy, boy was i wrong. met my whole family yday to go pay respects to my late grandpa, he passed away a few days after me bday. then my aunt planned to go dinner at some chinese restaurant at thomson plaza thereafter. i thought everyone forgot abt my bday, i was so so wrong. i felt loved but at the same time, i wished they had forgotten abt it. i wasnt up to the whole celebration thingy, juz wanted quiet and peaceful one.

luckily i had another not so close aunt who's bday was a few days earlier than mine and so i had someone to go thru all the embarrassing moments with. *phew* shall talk abt that slightly later. the food at the restaurant was pretty good but there were a few hiccups here and there, i was feeling nice then like as if i had a halo above my head therefore i didnt kick up a big fuss. there were a few things i was quite
impressed with tho.. there was this steamed prawn dish and they actually offered to de-shell it. at first i thought i heard wrongly but my cousins sitting next to me were like 'did u juz hear wad i did, like de-shell the prawns?' haha and de-shell it they did! very quickly and nicely... the heads of the prawns were still fully attached!!



and then came a venison dish.. it was yummy and i was again impressed with the presentation of the dish...




and then the dinner ended... and my aunt bought a cake. like awwww man. so we had to go thru all the rites of singing the birthday song and me being totally embarrassed cuz everyone in the restaurant was like staring. i really felt like hiding under the table. well for all that embarrassment i got quite a few red packets so i shan't complain. it was a fair exchange? haha.

wala's again..

so i left off yday sayin i had to zip off to wala's. met a friend there lucky we made it in time to get a decent table and seats. its crazy the band starts at ard 10 and by 9 all the seats are taken up and if u cant find seats my advice wld be juz to leave and find somewhere else unless u can survive standing for the rest of the night. another thing is the time they end their 1 for 1 is at 9 maybe thats y the bloody crowd packs in early.. duhhhHh.

so i had my usual 2 rounds of hoegaarden. i juz wish they have the big 750ml bottles back soon. its much more worth it then drinkin the 330ml bottles now. bleh! jill suggested to have wings and i was like cool since i havent had it in a long time. but we had a difficult time finishin it off. therefore im impressed with ah ho cuz she can wipe out the wings.. *pukes*

skinny chummy dropped by with her moley guy friend. haha :P lucky i was guarding the 2 extra stools i had. haha. kept telling her not to go st james cuz she's been there almost every wk i think for abt a month already although she says its only been 2 wks. tsk. then they ordered another portion of wings which made me sick even by looking at it. ohh ohh another thing chummy and i kept thinkin back abt that 1 time smally chummy was with us at wala's. think that was the fun-nest time we had at wala's. cuz there was ah ho, her friend (which skinny chummy brought up yday and we realised we didnt rem her name, hee.. sorry!), skinny and smally chummy, taxi door and myself. hope we can do it sometime again!

oh darn its back to work tmr... *sigh* dread the work but am looking forward to see smally chummy... missed her on friday. wonder if she has stuff to update me on for friday cuz i wasnt at work? hmmmms....

moving on from mid to late twenties... *groans*

so here i am past a quarter of a century old.. have nothing to my name nor a career to boast about. this totally sucks. am i being struck by the mid-life crisis? when u realised u've been in this world for so fricking long yet u have yet to acheive anything? actually i dun really care... let me juz lead my life a day at a time.

so moving on.... oh i mentioned in my previous entry that i'd talk abt the pressies i rcvd. chummy skinny & smally, aw, tg, al & crabbie shared to get me a new wallet. cuz chummy smally asked me wad i wanted and i told her i needed a new wallet. my old money clippy wallet was dying on me. so she said that they cant afford a mont blanc becuz over budget which i was totally cool abt it. as long as they dun get me some funny-lookin, odd-coloured wallet. ended up they got me a mont blanc!!! then i was askin chummy smally isnt it over budget then she said she'd top up the rest! *sniffs* so touched. then norain sprung me a surprise too. i came back from a site inspection and found a box of chocs on my table with a lil note from norain and she came by shortly after to gimme a big hug! so sweet right??! then grace and michelle presented me with another $150 mont blanc vchr cuz i told them i wanted a name card holder. haha now i will have a full range of mont blanc stuff. wallet, namecard holder, key pouch and a pen but in an ugly green. cant complain tho. heh



got back from batam this morning. had a good massage there, it felt so good. fell asleep while tanning and jumped up when the heat finally got to me and now my face+nose hurts like hell. it was like my most interesting trip to batam. made 2 new friends while i was there. we got to know the f&b mgr who used to work in sg and we made friends with a fellow diner while having dinner by the teppanyaki grill.. we were like the only patrons there cuz it was like the rest of the ppl stayin in the hotel decided to have buffet and it was very noisy. we had to waste some money to eat teppanyaki to get away from the crowd. think the dinner check muz've came up to abt $200 cuz we had quite alot of warm sake. ended up this new friend we made insisted he settle the bill for us. he's a damn interesting guy. born in sg, studied in us, living in hkg but works all over the place. he's into shippin, marine engin so happened that he docked his ship for repairs in batam. he left us his namecard and mobile number so that if we ever go to hkg we can give him a call and he'd bring us ard. so nice right? but we shld nv be so trusting towards ppl...



ok thats abt all i need to get ready for wala's.... cheerios!

this was supposed to be yday's blog entry

on our way back from work last night in chummy's car last night she was saying she'd be blogging abt one of our sales ppl whom during morning meeting pronounced warner brothers as warner blooders. hahaha. i almost wanted to die and chummy thought she was the only one who realised it when there i was hard trying hard to contain my laughter and not burst out laughin like an idiot.

then i told chums i wld blog abt another colleague that we have who's a fortune teller??! she knows the future...! when she reads the morning reports instead of reading it as last night's figures or last night's no shows she reads it as the present day's figures! and mind u she has been corrected before.... and to think she's a SSM... dear dear me. fake bitch.

so yday i rcvd a rare call.. from emily. she ordered me to go ktv with the rest of the FO ppl. feelin ok i decided to go.. think it was a bad move. stayed on till ard 5. had abit to drink and found out something abt my buddy that left me abit disappointed. felt that the situation cld be handled a lil better? but oh wells.. its not fair to pass judgement like that cuz when u're caught in a situation like that urself u'd not be able to think very well too. -shrugs- hope she gets past this in the nicest way possible and also to all the parties involved.

and so i woke up late even tho nick gave me a wuc on time cuz i went back to sleep. got up at like 845 and i was like oh shit! then i started puking and had abit of diarrhoea, felt weak and wobbly all over yet i still decided to go to work cuz i had alot of work left off from the day before. didnt manage to do much but didnt wanna take mc also cuz kept feeling its only a few more hrs to endure... boy was i wrong. it was damn painful waitin till 640. left on the dot! and here i am back home blogging. alrights i shall head off to bed. really have alot of work to finish up tmr.... gd nights to all....

shall blog abt the 1st bday pressie i rcvd this yr in my next entry..........~<|:o)

that used to be my playground..

was chatting with ah yin earlier this afternoon sometime after lunch.. cuz i was feeling sleepy and didnt wanna work too hard on a monday cuz theres still like 4 long days to go before the workweek ends. BAH! its a bloody torturous cycle...

anyways as i was saying i was chattin with ah yin and she was apologising to me for having abruptly ending a conversation we were having the night before cuz she was at work and needed to log off to prepare for the electricity shut off, they call it something like high tension shut down? some crap that they do every now and then to test that all our backup resources are intact juz in case something really happens. then we started reminiscing abt the old times.....

how it used to be so fun going thru all those crap with our buddies. it really makes alot of difference working with the ppl u like and get along with. and so ah yin was saying she remembered the previous time she was on night shift on high tension shut down together with nick.. i remember i was also ever on midnight once on hi tension but i cant remember who i was working with, muz've been someone who didnt matter much! ha. but well i remember those times when i was on shift and fidelio was like down for the whole morning.. i was on shift with jasper and both of us had to redo all our checkout transactions which was like a whole fricking drawer full. and also there was once we had waitboxes all the way till like 9pm. that was my longest morning shift, it ended at ard 11pm. that was when shimin was still ard and jean herself was monitoring the rm situation.

that was all good fun. its sad that such history will never repeat itself. i muz say all that groomed us into the talented ppl that we all are now! the present kiddos have a long way to go before they'd ever be like us. *evil grin* lol

oh another thing.. chummy was being irritating today. bleh! last thursday while we were at suntec walkin ard after lunch i told her i felt like buying a 'lil piggy' to munch on. u know those lil cute thangs in a plastic basket that they sell during mid-autumn festival? she refused to lemme buy it cuz i was already munchin on a pretzel and having my honey green pearl tea. she went to buy like 6 'BIG PIGGIES' during the weekend and she refused to let me share it with anyone else. its like punishment to me for being greedy?! all i wanted was a lil bit of my childhood.. *sniffs* and the worst thing is the big piggies didnt even come in the cute baskets, that was the whole point of eating that fuckin piece of flour?! and now i still have like 4 big piggies to go...... *groans*

but chummy no matter how u torture me.. im still glad for having u ard. sounds abit sadist eh? but really, i dunno wad i'd be without u ard. i need uuuuuuuuuu.. to answer my silly qns abt work, to send me home after work!, to have lunch and fetch water tog with me, to listen to me sing all the weird songs that ppl dun normally sing(n u actually know the songs too!), to pek zao with, to listen to me ngam ngam cham cham only to have me rebutt u that u gg yy and most importantly to slap my back to my senses when i lose track of where im headin towards... thank u. i love u. *muah!*

and it comes tumbling down..

ever had the feeling that everything seems to be finally moving on fine for you? after so long.. after all the shit u had been put thru. its like u finally get to see the sunshine after braving the rain... but all thats not meant to be. u juz need 1 little setback to bring u back to where u started off from. when others say life is very fragile im beginning to think that happiness is very fragile too. theres only a very thin line that seperates happiness from sadness. and with that 1 little setback i've been kicked back into the region of sadness and darkness.

chummy u are right. i didnt need that person back in my life. it was a mistake to even let that person creep back into my life. and so now im suffering the repercussions of my dumbness. this time i really want out... and nothing more to do with that person...

and here i am again building up my new defences and having to work towards being happy... its sucha chore.

"How do I, say goodbye, to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh, always come back,
I thought we'd get, to see forever,
But forever's gone away,"

Good riddance i might say?

guest appearance...

headed back to wala's again yday.. its like a weekly affair thingy. but i really prefer sitting down having a few drinks and a live band to keep u entertained rather than going clubbing... feel im too old for clubbing. it makes my body ache a whole lot for the next few days and it leaves my ears buzzing for the next day which is highly irritating.

and i had the company of 2 girls.. 1 of which that has disappeared for like the longest time. it was nice meeting her again. =) im gonna post a pic of them which i took last night even tho i know 1 of them will come after my blood cuz she looks white in the pic... aiya its juz the flash and cuz u have make up on but bear doesnt :P




well... hope we'd have many more outings of such before bear disappears again? cheerios!

soon to be smoke free?

its been 2 days since i last took a puff. think its been easier this time as compared to all my previous attempts, its not really considered as attempts because i really did stop smoking for quite some time before succumbing back into the habit again. i remember clearly i used to suffer from horrible withdrawal symptoms like runny nose, watery eyes, feeling lousy the whole day and every little thing that went wrong would make me 'snap' and was just easily irritated. now i suffer from none of those but instead i have alot of craving for different kinds of food and im perpetually looking for stuff to snack on. abit like how pregnant woman behave? although im not quite sure cuz i havent really been through pregnancy??

u all muz be thinking y i've suddenly decided to quit smoking? honestly im not quite sure myself i juz thought its about time i stopped or i'd never get down to doing it? i find it amazing myself that im finally beginning to think straight? haha. it really takes massive amt of determination in not succumbing to temptation. picking up a ciggie is really easy but try having a ciggie put in front of u and not having to pick it up... its like HELL.

so now the plan is to quit smoking altogether. and smally chummy stop smoking in front of me, its abt time u quit too! dun gimme the crap abt quitting next yr! *faints* after i stop smoking and which by then i'd have put on hell lotta weight becuz of the snacking, i will need to start planning a regular exercise regime. that is of course provided if i keep to it! well if i can quit smoking i dont see y i cant be determined to lose all the excess baggage! pls wish me luck..

check this song and mtv out..

梁汉文 + 杨千嬅 - 滚

i really like this song and mtv.. hope that u all are able to view it... today was rather uninteresting cept we 3 chummies finally met up to have lunch together. then there was some drama cuz we bumped into someone we were hoping not to bump into becuz i had to lieeeee to get her out of the way so that the 3 of us chummies cld enjoy lunch together-gether. oh wells.. then chummy #1 and i came up with names for each other... its skinny+funny+smally. go guess who's who. lol. left work slightly later than usual becuz TC made me stay to do something and i was NOT to go home until i had it completed. hmpf! but we still made it in time to koufu to satisfy chummy #2's craving for ban mian. had a long wait for cab to go home.. ended up calling all the nonsense cab operators until we got one. and i was like feeling tired. tsk tsk.. so much for efficient public transportation in s'pore. when u need it most it fails on u. *spits*

lazy days...

its been quite a few days since i got down to blogging. wkends now are purely for drinking, chilling and staying out till late which explains y i nv have the time to blog about my interesting wkends? haha like real. ok lets backtrack abit... i think i left off from last thursday? i shall start from thursday anyway cuz i cant think back any further than that!

THursday
went to MOS with nickers and ah yin. there were 2 others who were supposed to go but somehow didnt turn up. well its alright, had silly fun with these 2 buddies of mine. had a couple of weird incidents too but i shan't touch on that.

FRiday
after like 2hrs of rest, headed off to work. was pretty ok and alive until i had to go outdoors for a couple of sales calls. think the oh-so-hot weather killed me. went back to the office and started to malfunction shortly after. chummy warned me big big time not to go clubbing the night before if i had to work the next day cuz she says im not gettin any younger, think she's afraid i might juz drop dead and die?? lol so after work we went to our fav n most convenient watering-hole, paul's. quite a turn out only missing my other chums. even mr gopal came! wld have been more fun if i was more 'alive'... haha

SAturday
decided to go for a haircut before going to meet chums for dinner. aye it took so darn long, thats the thing abt being off on wkends like everyone else... sighs. dropped chums a msg to tell her i might be slightly late cuz i was at the hairdresser's and she replied 'no worries but you really didnt have to get your hair set just for this date..' i was laughing so hard i nearly died and everyone ard me thought i was CRAZY. oh wells thats my chums and thats y i love her so much, so full of shit. had dinner at food republic in wisma then headed over to emerald hill no. 5 cuz chums was supposed to do some mystery shopping for her friend for their services. got kinda bored so we headed back down to wala wala's...

SUnday
had lunch with m at taka's coffeeclub. its been awhile since i last went there. had my regular ceasar salad with rosemary chicken. tasted as good as before maybe even better? booked tickets to watch no reservations at cine. i like that show. its a no-brainer and kinda predictable but i personally feel its a rather suitable movie to catch on a wkend when u dont really feel like reading too much into the plots and stuff? and its the lovey dovey awwwwwwww kinda movie that one will definitely like! after the movie shopped ard abit and can u all believe it, i actually thought of helmi while i was in G2000 gazing at an array of neckties. reminded me of helmi and how i didnt quite like his tie at work :P so i decided to buy him ties! got m to pick out a few ties and i narrowed it down to the 2 i finally chose. but of cuz i didnt get them from G2000 cuz its kinda pricey. hee. anyways helmi... hope u like them and u muz really wear them hor!!!!!! or i'll boycott u too at work!!

"unlimited power"?

didnt work today and almost the whole sales team has to go down to expo to attend some 'motivational cum inspirational' talk by the 'world-famous' anthony robbins, stephen pierce and allan pease. given normal circumstances i wld be very happy if i didnt have to work but it was sucha torture keeping myself awake and fighting the hunger for most part of the seminar that i really thought i'd be better off at work. oh btw thankfully chummy was driving or it'd be sucha hassle travelling there!

the talk started off with allan pease, i think of all the 3 speakers he was the only one who made sense. analysed alot on human behaviour and such. pretty interesting. his part went on for abt 2hrs before we headed off for like a 20mins break. everything ard was so crowded we decided to stay put and luckily for me i rushed out in the morning to buy some rations to tide us over.

next up was anthony robbins himself. he's huge... as in like really bigggg sized. and he was so full of crap. dont understand y everyone felt so entertained. i felt awkward like as if we were in some cheesy church congregation. reminded me of the times when i used to patronise this church that alot of youths go to and 1 of the pastors ended up becoming a pop star.. *shudders* it wasnt too gd an experience for me. similarties between the two... 1) in church we'd always raise our hands and say 'hallelujah', in this seminar he made everyone raise they hands and say 'aye'. 2) in a charismatic church they always make u stand and sing along and wave ur hands ard frantically, in this seminar same lor keep makin us stand and jump and hop and wriggle to the music. 3) in church the pastor wld say the sinners' prayer and we'd repeat after him, in this seminar he made us chant some dumb verse after him over and over again, i thought they sounded like some cult! this guy spoke for abt 3.5hrs before we breaked for lunch. and again we didnt bother to go out to get anything cuz there were too many ppl ard. got AW to da bao nasi lemak from qiji. it was like the most satisfying nasi lemak i had ever had.

the last part came stephen pierce... this guy was the WORST of the 3. intolerably boring! he's like a multi-millionaire.. and so thats wad he says.. he was trying to like 'teach' us his methods to earn money over the internet. being an IT idiot if i cld close my ears im sure they'd auto fold inwards and juz not listen to him at all. gosh... he was so boring we left half way thru to go to the john little sale juz 2 halls away from us and i spent like $50+ buying toiletries and munchies. haha. we tahan until abt 6pm and by then more then a good half of the people had already left. and so this pierce guy started his sales pitch and, all askin ppl to buy his stuff. he was like selling a membership card for $9,887 and some package for $47,587!!!! thats ALOT of money dude... but im quite sure there muz have been crazy or ppl who r too rich who took them up. geeeeee... and so we left shortly after. whole day wasted juz like that. i left there, still uninspired/unmotivated/unimpressed.. or issit juz me?? i'll nv wanna go to such things again.. dun understd how come the rest of the people there seemed so enthusiastic and they all looked like they left as better people? hmmmms...

we left expo ard 630 and headed to bedok for 'bar chor mee' woooohooooo.. its been awhile since i last had that, if chummy didnt mention abt it i'd nv have thought of goin there. heh we had bar chor mee, carrot cake and chicken wings for dinner. YUMMY! i muz thank chummy for bringing me ard today and entertaining me during my most boring hour... hahahaaaaaaaaa

i cant believe i missed blogging abt last friday..

i was juz reading chummy's blog then realised that i totally missed out mentioning abt friday... haha. anyways we left work rather early considering i still had alot left to do. well there's always monday to complete it. i cant really be bothered anymore. met up with an ex-colleague whom its a pity i didnt get to work under her. the other chum's was supposed to come too but oh wells she cldnt make it. ah dot came along too. she's damn funny lo. she can be the script-writer, director and actress all at the same time. full of crap.

and so we were gossiping over our beers at paulaner's as usual. its like a weekly affair thingy. and all our gossip mainly revolved ard 1 person, she must've been sneezing her nose off. :x great way to chill out. chummy can we like do this every week, can u cheat taxidoor into signing a permanent agreement? heehee

moving on to today.. didnt do much. woke up and glued myself to the telly to catch up on the drama serial on forensic stuff cuz they rerun the whole wk's episodes on sundays. after that i glued myself to the computer. felt fat so decided to go for a jog.. i actually got down to doing it, cant believe it! went for an hr but out of that hr half the time i was walkin cuz i was so FRICKING breathless. best part all those ppl who walked past me and were smoking... wa lao i wanted to rob them off their cigs. but i supposed it was due to smoking which contributed to my breathlessness. i need to exercise MORE, smoke less and eventually QUIT and eat alot LESSER! im contemplating to take up a gym membership again but i dun want history to repeat itself. once upon a time i ever joined and paid them mthly subscription for a yr but within that yr i patronised them less than 10times. haha. if i dun go its a bloody waste of money. better think carefully... again it boils down to how determined i am in losing weight before i burst and die from obesity........ *tsk*

Have a listen to this..

梁漢文 楊千嬅 - 滾
quite like this song.. very dramatic, juz like how life is.. wanted to post the youtube mtv video but keep gettin error msgs... *tsk*

i shld think it was an eventful saturday?

made plans to meet up with her today. its been awhile. went for a massage.. it felt sooo good. after that we headed to lido for expensive japanese food. felt i had abit to spend becuz of the backpay increment. after that rushed over to taka to buy myself a new pair of trackies using the taka vchrs i had. not too bad la only had to top up $20 for a pair of reeboks. rushed back to lido to catch ratatouille. it was pretty good. i thought the rat looked cute?! but there were hell lotta kids in the cinema. every now and then some kid wld burst out crying... irritating.

after the movie had to once again rush to marina square for granny's 84th bday dinner, we parted ways at MS. it was good food again at some under-rated chinese restaurant. had some good wines too cuz my uncle brought them along. i didnt even know that restaurant existed.

after dinner, took a cab down to club street to meet her for drinks again. only to find that the place was infested with a whole big bunch of irritating ppl. had a jug of vodka ribena and decided to scoot off to somewhere else. ended up at balaclava cuz she wanted to go there. they have a very sucky variety of beer, even worse than wala's! they dun even have kilkenny or hoe by bottle! ended up drinkin 3 pints of carlsberg until i felt like puking. i dun really enjoy carlsberg. and the bill came up to quite abit! *tsk* didnt stay for long cuz they close at like 1. shared a cab back with her then broke down in the cab... *sighs* i dunno at times i really pity her but like wad can i do? and i dun even know if i wanna do anything or not. my life is pretty ok the way it is. yes, my job may suck or be stressful but at least its a decent job and he feeds me well enough. i may be single but its better to be stuck in a relationship im not really happy with or know ultimately its not gonna head anywhere. i have a couple of chummies and pals that i can count on for company. wad more can i complain? we shld all learn to be contented with wad we have... its a tall task but if we can see things in sucha way, life wld be so much nicer....

im upset..

it was a crappy day at work. TC is away on a sales trip again and she wun be back till 1 and a half wks later. its so torturous without her ard. i hate that ass and the hatred juz grows stronger as each day passes. he juz unknowingly started a war with me this morning. this is it! i think i've been as patient as i've ever been in my entire life, enough is enough.

i'll plot my strategies out and wage a war with him. like the chinese saying goes "bu shi ni si jiu shi wo wang!" --> which translates to "its either u die or i fail?"

im gonna pool all my contacts and resources together to make his life very difficult in time to come. ^&#$^$#%^$*(%^*(&*))$#$@$!

yet another day i gorged myself..

i think i've been eatin too much recently. been spending way too much money on food and alcohol. and to think im supposed to be saving up to go for a loooong trip to US next year. i really wanna go so bad. im even prepared to go alone if i cant find anyone to accompany me!

today we didnt feel like having lunch at the canteen so we headed to bab noodles for lunch. i had kimchi chicken soup with rice because i've been having craving for kimchi soup for the past 2 days. finally fulfilled the craving but i felt that my normal myojo kimchi instant noodles+egg tasted better than the one at bab. maybe cuz they added spring onions and sesame seed in it.. my 2 most disliked ingredients in it thats y i didnt really enjoy it. and then we had extra side orders of tempura prawns and grilled gyoza to share.

went back to the office and today muz have been one of the days i received the most group leads from all over. my email was flooded with enquiries for quotations from all the various TAs and every now and then i had ppl plonking corp leads into my in-tray. it was so overwhelming.

decided to leave behind all the work to leave work on the dot.. becuz chummy #2 arranged for us to have dinner with aL and cbfsl! haha. we headed to gluttons bay for dinner. found a table effortlessly which was pretty surprising. and then we started to go ard ordering our food. i muz have walked like 10time to and fro from the table to the stalls becuz it was self-service and there were 2 princesses sitting at the table refusing to budge! tsk tsk... so we had chicken wings, oyster omelette, char kway teow, fried hokkien mee, stingray and kangkong... it was wayyyy too much food for the 4 of us. amazingly we finished almost everything cept for the chicken wings cuz we forgot cbfsl cant eat chicken! had a great time cuz cbfsl as usual made us laugh so hard with her weird antics that i thought i was gonna puke. ended up with hiccups which got cured eventually cuz chums gave the suggestion that i shld take 7 sips continuously but like 3 sips into it she told me i was sippin too slowly so i took 1 big gulp and they started laughing. i was trying so hard to control not to burst out laughin so that i cld swallow the darn gulp that the hiccups went away.

made our way to the taxi stand after having a few puffs by the waterfront. the taxi queue was so long and i juz saw the 106 bus coming by and suggested to chums to take the bus home. luckily i had an extra ez link card... i think it muz've been a long long while since she last took a bus. it wld've been more enjoyable if we weren't already too tired from all the laughin... lol. overall a good day with all my fun pals. =)

my first ENT at GP

today i was unwillingly roped in for an ENT at GP with a group of japanese man from jalpak together with mr G, tc and mr pudge. in the beginning it was pretty awkward. didnt really know wad to say but the jap guy sitting next to me was pretty nice. he muz have realised i was feeling weird and started to talk crap with me. so while tc and mr g was talkin abt biz and current affairs that affected the tourism trade and hotel industry, there i was chattin abt nonsense with this jap guy. haha. while beats sitting there like an idiot... that was mr pudge.

so the food came... we conquered, some gave up the battle but the sole survivors amongst us was tc and 2 jap guys. it was wayyy too much food. i think next time tc suggests to go GP and tries to rope me in again i better stand by a very good excuse to get outta it. i almost cldn't stand up after that meal! felt so sick after that, like i needed a whole bottle of eno to help me push the food downwards inside me. nearer to the exit that is. haha

then came the time to bid our goodbyes.. and tc instructed me to go back to GP to sign the check. ehh y me?? typical example of me being sidekick.. well at least it was tc who instructed me and not the other powerless ass. the darn check came up to $630?! damn scary.. felt abit worried to sign it but i still went ahead to, like who cares it doesnt come out from my paycheck anyways. but thats like 1/3 of my salary man... and juz for lunch thats called pure insanity....

woohoo im entitled for the lil increment...

so anne and i were like discussing we both shld deserve to get the pay increment of 5% which was announced last wk. today tc gave out the letters and lo and behold i got it. not anne tho... which my heart goes out to her. but oh wells its not gonna make much of a difference on my very small and pathetic pay check.

today was a normal crappy monday at work. email was retardedly slow.. as always. still dun understand y we have a highly paid MIS mgr and yet we still have to tolerate this crap! my 'buddy' as work was missing most of the day and everything else fell back on me. i dun get it lor. im not his substitute neither am i his assistant. enough is enough. do not.. and i mean it DO NOT push me anymore. none of u have seen the ugliest of me yet. cept my beloved ones at FO........ *grinds teeth*

mixed emo

was juz chatting with a friend over msn... found out that the lil one is attached now. i dunno how to describe wad im feeling now. its not like i feel sore or anything.. its kinda like all mixed emotions, happy or sad or i cant even be bothered i cant really tell. which i figured as such if not everything wld not have been so peaceful in the recent month. well its good to know we're both moving on with our own lives. this shld always be the way i hate and utterly dread those draggy dramatic endings.

great.. life goes on....

my cousin juz moved into her darn huge place..

had a family gathering at my cousin's new place somewhere in bukit timah. omG its huuugggeee.. and damn nice. but i still cant quite figure out y the both of them needs sucha big house and i heard from my mum that they cant have their own kids so unless they're gonna adopt i dun see the point of having sucha big place la... but anyways lemme describe it. its some sort of like a semi d, 3 storeys and everything is very simple. mainly glass, white and parquet flooring. its like my kinda dream place... ya the kind that i can only dream abt owning.....

then we had dinner.. oh forgot to mention my aunt & uncle who stays in US came back which explains the gathering la. had so much food, wine and champagne. but zachary was like the centre of attraction for the whole night. he's sooooooo cute, everyone was like trying to catch hold of him the entire night. im sure my bro is gonna suffer tonight cuz zach will definitely have nightmares for playing so hard. haha

alright moving on... there was actually a purpose for me to go to this gathering. i dun normally go cuz i cant stand my relatives questioning me abt my life. im like the only one who isnt doing as well as compared to the rest. all my other cousins are like high flyers and they're all attached except for the younger ones la. so actually i was tasked to go and find out if my cousin is still attached with my 'friend's' ex. we happened to find out last wk that this guy is my cousin's bf but that was last dec. i didnt know how to bring up this conversation with her so i waited till everyone was abt to leave and i juz subtly like popped the qn... 'how are u and ur bf... (name) are u still with him, cuz i think i bumped into him during lunchtime the other day at milennia walk?' then she answered 'yes... he did tell me he saw u together with his ex(name) *rolls eyes*... do u know her (name) *rolls eyes again!*?' my answer to her 'yes.. she's a very close colleague of mine and in fact we're very good friends.' then my cousin gave me the very disgusted look which i in turn had to return it to her too. my last comment to her was 'u take care of urself yea?' and turned to say goodbye to all the rest.

initially i felt worried for my cousin cuz i've heard abt this guy and i dun think he's good enough for her but that conversation totally cheesed me off. i never expected her to react in sucha way but i suppose she's been poisoned so badly i will never be able to bring her out of it. well then she'll have to learn the hard way. chummy if u're reading this i hope u dun get too upset but i think u are cuz i juz read ur blog... chill k? im on ur side... good riddance im soooooooooo glad u're with taxi door now! =)

ate too much *pukes*

today is the only day i ate more than i worked. i dunno if it can be compared in sucha way but it really felt so! lemme narrate how my day went.... day started off at ard 830. went for morning briefing for abt an hr and during that time we had mooncake sampling. went back to reply some emails and at 1050 left the office and headed off to SUNTEC for a site inspection. its really pretty huuuggeeeeee. invited the whole bunch of sales ppl from suntec back to oscar's for buffet lunch. kept eating for like over an hr+? brought them ard the hotel and then back to work and clear emails... and then it was dinner time! left work at 7pm sharp to head for thanying restaurant at amara hotel for our dept dinner. and mr G had to sit beside me... ah ho and i took turns to like entertain him cuz he doesnt eat much?? he doesnt take meat and eats only alot of vege. being thai food where got alot of vege for him to eat?? he was like feeding on the garnish... and chummy #2 wasnt ard, neither was #1 so i tasked myself to eat on their behalf too. gorged myself so much felt like i was a goose being force-fed for the foie-gras... im feeling very accomplished for eating so much but also very sick at the same time. honestly the food wasnt all that fantastic and tc mentioned it came up to abt $70/pax like wa lao.... damn exp can?!

anyways chummy #2 was on leave today becuz she had her driving test, was feeling nervous for her! but am very very glad she passed on her first try today! alright man! i foresee more free rides with u behind the wheel? hahahaehehehehe. and now all chummies can drive! yippeeee yay yaY! :P yes i feel spastic... as always.. heh