Tuesday, 30 October 2007

finally managed to catch up on some work today

finally after rushing ard on fri and sat becuz of the dumbass group, kinda settled down today and managed to warm my lonely seat. had alot of shit left over from last wk.. cleared most of it today but there's still somemore left. hopefully i can lessen it in the next few days so that i can be doing more updated stuff. at the rate im going and if my boss finds out... im gonna be so dead but then again i know there'll always be someone more backdated and slower than me. so.... i dont really care.

my chummies met each other today and smally told me skinny juz got skinnier.. aye all the efforts i went thru to fatten her up before. gone... all down the drain. haha. my poor skinnier? she's been buzzing ard with her restaurant and stuff.. its like i havent seen her in the longest time. tsk. and skinny u'd better go with me to the linkin park concert... else, else... i also dunno wad i'd do. havent quite decided yet. hmmms.. maybe i'd go to ur restaurant and 'chai zhao pai'? u know like those kungfu flicks 'ti guan, chai zhao pai'! ok now im beginning to be a lil crappy. heh... i better log off and go stare at my room walls or something... ciaos.

'I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell
And all my dreams were shattered
All at once

Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
So I must face it all alone

All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once..'

Sunday, 28 October 2007

cant cry hard enough..

i think my good friend who's named insomnia is here to stay with me.. through thick and thin. after countless bots of hoes' and resorting to puffing cigs outside my rm's window with the door closed, im mentally drained and physically strained yet im still not sleepy. its almost 3am and it doesnt help with sucha song playing.. and its true when i say 'my sanity hangs by a thread' and may i add its a very thin thread... God save my soul..

I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple good-bye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of few like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

been a busy wk at work..

realised i haven't had the time to log on at home to blog. looking back i used to do it so often. its amazing where i found the strength to log on after a long and sucky day at work and to blog abt it. oh wells.... lemme summarize my wk at work..... hmms.....

then again for the past wk i've been busy mainly because of the dumb artiste group. took up hell lot of my time to sort out their ever-so-often changes, so damn troublesome coordination with the various departments(and it didnt help that some particular dept was damn bloody UNHELPFUL), ever-demanding organisers where everyone gives different instructions and the best part of all they're all bloody cheapos-with low budgets and paying lousy rates. makes me wonder why i have to work so hard?!

decided to drop all my work yday so that i cld head to the FO chalet with the few nice ppl who bothered to wait awhile for me to finish up with my work. still dunno whether it was a gd or bad move for me to go but it doesnt matter anymore cuz the fact is that i went. felt quite out of place but it was still nice seeing all the buddies who braved countless storms with me in the past. those were the gd old days. im very happy for those who have moved on and i pray for those who havent that their day will come soon. left the chalet with a heavy heart that was filled with regret and guilt but i shan't elaborate on that..

in the past week i found out a piece of news that was kinda disheartening for me. i dont understand y there muz be politics at work and why i have to be subjected to it. dont understand why some ppl can be so evil? i dont believe i've done anything towards u. i did my part and served my purpose. why is it u have to always stick up like a sore thumb when things goes against u? honestly, at ur level u shld learn how to be more forgiving and learn how to let go when u have to. u're sucha sad bitch, pls get a life.

today's the longest Saturday ever i spent at work ever since i transferred to sales. yea it had to be the dumbass artiste group. to all those fans, i honestly dont understd wads all the commotion abt? they're all juz humans, except they may be slightly better lookin than the normal chaps u see on the streets? if i didnt remember wrongly i nv did idolise anyone in sucha way. thank goodness. if i ever had kids like that who'd spend unneccesarily to like charter a maxi cab to follow the idols ard or book a rm at like a few hundred bucks, i'd hit the living daylights outta them! and to think i had to be a human barricade.. some dumb girl was actually pushing me from behind and started screaming, i already had this horrible frickin pondin headache and i was like abt to like punch the next person who irritated me. so i turned ard and stared DAMN hard at her, thats when she moved back and stopped screaming. *sigh* teenage girls.. plain irritating. stayed ard till 10+pm.. now im with my bot of hoe, listening to sappy oldies mp3s.. all im missing is a ciggie. *sighhhhHHhhhhHhhhhhh*

Sunday, 21 October 2007

been a good wkend..

as all of u know the past week at work has been a horrendous one for me.. the wkend kinda made up for it. sweetened the bad after-taste slightly.

went back to work on sat for a few hrs to clear up ABIT of work(i expected myself to do more but oh well). made a massage appt (felt like i really needed it so bad) it felt so good. then after that went shoppin ard orchard.. retail therapy. spent close to 300bucks. a good half of it i spent at GAP. still cant believe how much they mark up the prices. i think at those factory outlets in US u can get the stuff there at like 1/3 of wad we pay here. dammitz. but i've always liked GAP and since i dont seem to be going to US anytime soon, i'd juz have to fork out such money. *grumbles*

crabbie woke me up with a call this morning. time to wake up for sunday brunch! i shall name the ppl like how "i" did, in secret agent codes. chums i suppose only u'd understand then. haha. so "r+n" were supposed to pick me up and gimme a ride but they were so late and i muz've smoked half my life away. oh btw i went to buy ciggies and the uncle thought i was 16. omg like can someone juz enlighten the poor old man?! or maybe he juz needs a pair of glasses. tsk. anyways i was quite hungry but by the time we got to hyatt i kinda lost the hunger. so "i, y+d" were already there, i mean obviously cuz "r+n" were really late(sorry i cant stop harping on the late part cuz i was hungry and standing for like a good 30mins). so "i" decided to bring me on a tour cuz it was my first time there for brunch. its so her to do that. and then after that she went crazy and refused to believe that it was my first time there. like huh after she brought me on the tour and everything?! anyways the food was good, the company was even better and plus champagne.. i absolutely have no complaints. ohhh the best part was i didnt have to pay cuz its supposed to be a belated bday treat from "i"!! wooohoooooo $118/pax. thats no joke lor. thanks "i"! *muaks* i still love u even tho u call me a lil monkey and always nag at us... wahahahahaha luckily she doesnt read my blog. :P

oh drats.. i better be gettin to bed soon cuz its back to work in a few hrs time. bleh.

i was watching telly earlier and heard this song which i havent heard in a long time. many memories came flashing back.. *sigh*

And I love you so - Don McLean

'And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes, I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me and the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me, too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
That is my belief

And yes, I know how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me and the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived till now
I tell them I don't know..........'

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

the day where i can finally take no more..

today has been by far the most overwhelming and horrid day at work. i know how i have previously blogged abt 'the worst days' today is a new milestone to that description. neverending leads, irritating bookers who try to squeeze u off everything they can, endless phonecalls, emails that come in like as if someone is mass spamming ur mailbox and fucking irritating colleagues that think i sit ard the whole day waitin for them to give me stuff to do! cant they juz fucking do their own work and leave me alone juz like how i leave them alone??!

don't fucking push me anymore. i don't wanna come to a day where i turn abusive. and i can honestly say im not far from reaching there. FUCK U ALL... and im sure u know who u are.

'Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?
Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill..'

Sunday, 14 October 2007

im a retard still wishing my weekends wld stretch abit longer...

i'd really like to know who came up with the screwed up logic that we have to work 5 days and only get 2 days off?! i mean its totally out of proportions!! and the work week drags on like there's no tmr but the 2 off days goes by with juz like a blink of the eye. like wassup man?!!! oh well all this complaining and whining is not gonna make my wkend any longer so im juz gonna give up.. but i still dont buy the whole crap!! bah!

ok lets talk abt how my wkend went. actually lemme juz start from friday evening cuz there's a story to continue from there. was planning to work late on friday so headed down to the canteen with al and bello to grab some dinner before we head back to work. then we were chattin in the canteen and i was tellin them how my aunt irritated my guy cousin who's like 29yrs old. there was once he went clubbing and reached home ard 3am so shortly after reaching home he went into his rm closed the door and was changin and my aunt starting knockin on his door to ask where he went. thank goodness my mum doesnt wake up in the middle of the night to ask me such crap. and then in the morning my aunt woke my cousin up at like 9am to have breakfast when she knew that he only got home at 3am.. like man... how evil! then i was like my mum wld never do that to me cuz she cant be bothered, which is a good thing. man... was i wrong! as u all know i've been suffering from insomnia recently so i stayed up till ard 5am rewatchin kill bill 1+2. and then *drum rolls* my mum woke me up at 9am to have breakfast with her!! she actually went specially to the market to buy my favourite food... aww its sucha nice gesture but u wun really be appreciative if u were to be dragged outta bed after only sleepin for 4hrs?! i shld nv have made fun of my cuzzie... im sorry! so after brekkie read the whole stack of papers. the papers were really thick for this sat. i read it till abt 12nn but in btwn i was watchin telly too la. felt tired after that and i went to take a nap.. but ended up sleepin till ard 5pm. oops there goes a gd part of my saturday. met al and bello to go wala's. i missed shirlyn and the unxpected so much, its good hearin them again. they play like my comfort music but sometimes i dun like the songs they play but heck shirlyn sings pretty well so it makes up for it. and not to mention we had chix wings again! i think the standard of the wings there is droppin drastically tho. they shld start doing something abt it.. like maybe change the oil? lol. anyways the whole time bello was like complainin abt her butt and how it hurts. we were not even thru the 1st set and she started whining already. gosh. bello i think the next time we're goin there u better like bring a cushion along or something. haha

moving along... today liah invited us to her place becuz of hari raya but only emily and i went. it was ok. liah stop being so apologetic abt not being a good host la. u were fine. and we were entertaining ourselves. hee. i was driving my bro's car today.. its a nice feelin to drive. i have many friends telling me they prefer to be driven than drive, i think i prefer to drive than to be driven. i like the feelin of being behind the wheel and i think i drive damn well. it'd be a pity for the roads to be less of a driver like me. lol. dropped emily off at conrad cuz she needed to pick something up then headed home to pick mummy to go to hv to shop ard and have dinner.. thats abt all i did for the wkend. how pathetic.

its back to work in another 8hrs time! *cries* im glad fat boy is gonna be back. and so the shit goes back to him.. i dun care!!

Wednesday, 10 October 2007

annoyed, irritated and frustrated.

i had a damn terrible day at work today. its unbelievable how much crap i was put thru. feel my tolerance level has gone up by leaps and bounds. given the past i'd be slamming anything i get get my hands on & spewing vulgarities like how an athelete runs a marathon.

i simply detest my job now. i refuse to accept y i have to pick up after this particular individual. im not paid to, its not within my job descrip to. its juz not fair and when i say its not fair dun gimme the crap that nothing in this world is fair. thats fucking bull! I DONT BUY IT!

i wanna leave but with AWS juz ard the corner, its like i can almost reach it if i juz stretched, its juz not worth it to leave at this point. and if i can stay to get AWS then bonus will also come really soon.. *sigh* i'd juz have to grit my teeth and hang in there... i feel like crying, this is really really bad.

Chummy can we really start planning towards leaving? pleaseeeeeeeee? take it as im begging u? -_-

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

havent been sleeping well..

the bouts of insomnia is slowly creeping back into my life. been a long while but they decided to revisit me? dont feel tired even into the wee hours of the morning but when its abt time to get up for work i feel like i'd do anything to juz laze for another 5mins in bed. ok maybe the waking up part has nothing to do with the insomnia but instead that i dread work that much. *sighs*

should i rely on pills, alcohol or drugs(if i can get my hands on any that is). ahhh wells life's a bitch, and then i die.

'if heaven calls, i'm coming too
just like you said, you leave my life, i'm better off dead

now the drugs don't work
they just make me worse
but i know i'll see your face again...'

oh juz to clarify things to edz and vonz, im no poet. most of the stuff that i post on my blogs are either song lyrics or stuff written by other ppl. i read alot into songs and stuff and dunno why recently everything i come across seems to be so meaningful or maybe its juz me being sensitive and emotional..

Monday, 8 October 2007

rainy monday

havent been feelin really good past few days. can feel like im almost gonna fall very sick but am still battling it with the medicine i pop before headin off to bed every night.

doesnt really help that chums is feeling down too. im kinda upset that there's nothing much i can do to bring her out of what she's feelin right now. i really feel for her. i've gotten to a point whereby i feel sad when she's sad too. so emo right? chums.. thats how much u mean to me wor. i seldom ever feel so much for others. lol

'Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile'

Sunday, 7 October 2007

mildly irritated..

'at least you were frank about it now. thanks.'

whats that supposed to mean? i was never hiding anything to begin with. juz cuz somewhere along the way u picked up the wrong signals and chose to believe things ur way doesnt mean its my fault right? come on.. dont be so petty.

'We read the world wrong and say that it deceives us.'

nothing much, havent done much and its back to work tmr. dammitz.

the blog title says it all.. dun have much to blog abt nowadays also. life is dull and boring. its sleep, work, eat and occasionally drink. thats abt all.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

coming down with a cold

didn't sleep well last night becuz i was coughing the whole night. woke up this morning with my throat feeling super uncomfortable. coughed a big blob of phlegm out. eeeewwwwwwww. then my nose feels runny, throat feels sore and i feel like im coming down with a fever. hate getting sick. esp when i know that taking a day off is juz gonna kill me with more work when i eventually go back to my little messy corner. *sigh*

had dinner with chums, taxidoor and irene becuz irene's date cancelled on her and she juz happened to ask us if we were available for dinner and chum's still owed her a treat for her bday? so i juz happily tagged along. thanks irene for initiating the dinner, thanks chummy for letting me tag along for the free dinner and the ride home, thanks taxidoor for paying for the dinner? hahaha

'I wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.'

Tuesday, 2 October 2007

sleepy days..

this is gonna be a short one because im feeling really tired. juz swung by to check on my emails and thought at the same time i'd juz put something down here. past few days i've juz been feelin really lethargic. the days seem to draggggg on while at work. im getting really sick of it. i dont think i've ever been so sick of work before. how???! how am i gonna survive till i get my fricking well-deserved bonus!!

these days im juz not doing much anymore. still tryin to find the motivation to cut down on my food and ciggie intake. *sigh* alright i shall head off to bed now or it'd juz be another fucking draggy day at work tmr... dammitz.

'Someone to love
Someone to touch
Someone to hold
Someone to know
Someone to trust'

is it that hard to find someone that fulfils the above and be reciprocal towards it?