my longest day..

its been slightly more then a mth and today has been the longest working day for me and it had to fall on a friday.. *sigh* lemme summarize my so very long day.. spent the 1st half the day going back and forth in tc's and etg's office gettin my quotations in place. then went to rev mtg and got totally blasted at. went to meet the moroccon TA with tc and they spent like 3hrs talkin irrelevant crap while the only thing flashing in my head was the amt of work i have to attend to and wad time i'd get to go back. and so.... i spent a total of 16hrs at work. considering i left at ard 1am.

gosh i really feel the strain now that IY is gone and her replacement has yet to come and takin over 2 portfolios is no joke. its like shit being thrown to u from 2 directions by 2 different individuals and it doesnt help that ur phone and emails come non-stop without leaving u time to even breathe. i foresee my life ahead for these few mths as a very challenging one.. or to be it in s&m cum rev terms.. the forecast for the next few mths is going to be very challenging. it irks me now that i hear something like that. HORRID!

now to move on to my personal life.. im sorry do i even have a personal life? outside work i hardly have any social life. so much for the crap of workin office hrs, my typical day ends at like 8-9pm?! by then the only strength i have left wld be the strength that i use to transport my weak flesh back home. on wkends i spend most of the time catchin up on the sleep i missed out on for the wk. all that aside.. i wld like to thank the person who's finally decided to gimme some space for me to breathe. i think i've tried explainin alot of times but u didnt quite get it and were not able to put wad i had said into practice but somehow yday u figured it out? i think it muz have been with the help of someone else but im not abt to guess who. i hope that u'd also use tis time to think abt wad u ultimately want.. dun be fixated on wad u had already previously decided on. ppl change and feelings change along too. we shall see.....

my love for beer

im glad i survived another wk of work. and so this marks the end of my 1st month in sales. wasnt in the mood to do any work yday was juz tryin to tie up the ends of wad i had been doin for the wk. anyways suew came by in the early evening to bid her goodbyes cuz she was doin her clearance form. *sigh* another good staff gone.. someone once said she'd surely be AM and i agreed. she'd definitely wld have been promoted to one if only she had stayed on but then again that title is nothing to be desired of.. at least not anymore. what a pity. all that aside suew im sure u'd survive and excel anywhere and everywhere cuz u have all the good qualities that it takes to go far. jia you!

yday another individual in s&m tendered her resignation. dunno whether issit cuz im jinxed? everywhere i go ppl start leaving? but i analysed it closely then figured it probably had nothing to do with me la. its always abt the bosses. issit really so difficult to find a job whereby the boss treats us like DECENTLY?? no sacarsm, constructive critisms? sighs.....

the dark ages...

these couple of wks has been very trying on me. its juz like wad the title says.. my personal life is not heading anywhere and im really very tired. i've said enuf when it comes to affairs of the heart, to begin with i was never the kind to be very vocal on such things. i've explained myself that i've come to a point that i dun wish to explain anymore. juz take it the way u think it goes. its not that i love u no more but i've lost the energy to carry on. if its like the way u say it.. u dunno how to trust me anymore and i cant give u any form of security, even if u continue on with me i really dunno how to earn back that trust on how to make u feel more secure. now u may say that i cant even be bothered to defend myself but a relationship is never about defending's oneself?

im only human.. there are many things that are not within my will or power and as helpless as u feel, thats the way i feel too. i wld love to be like u juz to seek the simple pleasures in life but u'd come to realise when u're my age that life is not as simple as it seems. wad i seek in life is unfortunately something that u cannot decipher as of now. u ask me if i wanna salvage this relationship and all i can do is only keep mum to that while u tell me u cant be the only party that works towards that. my question now is so what if we salvage this now when i foresee it reoccuring in time to come? i dont wanna be put thru this again.. its a cycle i wanna break. can u try to understand? i've love to put in it a nicer way but somehow when it comes to such things they hardly ever turn out nice... im sorry it had to turn out this way too. im hurting as much as u...........................................

Fantastic Four..

went to watch fantastic four yday.. not fantastic but i thought that johnny torch guy was kinda cute. im still tryin to adapt to having the wkends off cuz when u go out there's like tons of ppl everywhere ard. kinda turns me off but then again if i dun venture out on wkends, during the wkdays i hardly have time to go out. wkdays are basically work, go home and sleep, wake up and back to work again. its a monotonous cycle... *yawns*

wonder what im gonna be doing today. supposed to go to someone's chalet at EC with june when i dun even feel like goin especially when i dun even know them and my bro doesnt wanna lend me his car, its a pain to travel there in public transport. we shall see.. need to shower and head out soon. half a day left to the dreadful monday where there's tons of work waiting to be done! *cries*

i need a break...

its only the end of my 3rd wk at s&m and i barely made it thru alive. its tough. very tough. had a drink with yvonne yday where we had a heart-to-heart talk and i wld suppose she knows wad im goin thru now. but without her, my best co-ord, JW, AW, GG and at times IY i dunno how i'd survive. i cant help to feel like im a pain in the ass when i ask them countless qns, how im burdening them but i cant help it wor. im juz clueless but im trying... lets see how it goes from now forth....

anyways im happy that TC has approved my 1 day leave on the 27/7 so KL here i come. i need a break away from the ppl at work, the ppl i hang ard with.. think i shall juz go there and meditate during the day and party at night. am so looking forward to it.

-looking at attaining enlightenment??-

S & M doesnt allow big watches?!

today marks the starting of my 3rd wk at s&m. which is also the day that i've done the most work. did 1 site inspection with JW, did 1 on my own, quoted quite a few group rates and drew up a few proposals. i think of the 2 prev wks today was the only 1 day i had close close contact with TC cuz i needed her to approve a few rates. hmmms.. actually i feel its kinda intimidating when gettin close to TC. imagine waitin outside her office for ur turn to be called in and while waitin u'd think abt all the possible qns she might ask cuz she's the kind that will ask mind-boggling qns so we're all taught to be well-prepared before approaching her. then when its ur turn and she calls u in.. the atmosphere in her office is very cold and still and scary! but it didnt turn out as bad as i expected it to be la... except she commented that my watch is too big and i replied but i only have big watches (i had to say it la, being myself) and she gave me the then dun wear one to work face. oh wells so now i need to find a smaller watch to wear?! which i dun have any lor... CRAP!

my beloved FO department..

I was talkin to junen this morning then it suddenly hit me how badly manned FO is. its not like all of us havent realised.. DiQ and I were chatting the other day and both of us mentioned that we sympathise with FO's predicament and we wld love to go back and help but somehow we made decisions to leave and its juz not up to us to say that we wanna go turn back now. DiQ's happy where he is now.. as for myself I cant really say im happy but im still surviving i suppose. starting anew is nv easy.. but i guess its the friends that we've made over the yrs that make us feel that pinch and not wanting to leave u all in a lurch..

I still feel pretty much attached to FO. everyone in sales are still askin me FO-concerning qns (maybe cuz those qns are the only ones i can answer confidently) lemme juz say this.. i wld nv in my capacity do anything to sabotage anyone or anything concerning FO ok! thats how u peeps mean to me. with all that said if u all short of AM during my off days and can afford to pay me casual labour ($10 perhaps? ;P) to cover the desk, pls feel free to call my hotline k? its 1800-sue-lynf. *grins*

anyways this post is to all my FO buddies.... nickelodeon, no-rain, helmi cute, tg, ah tee, craigy, halie-walie mayte, pasir ris hilton-fazie(even tho u're with ef). im so so so sorry i missed u out, i was counting and counting and counting but it was juz too early and as u all know i suck at math! LIAH! pls forgive me... *kneels down and begs for forgiveness* i salute u all for coming together as a team to pull FO thru this dark period. and im sure for myself, suew and DiQ.. we wld have loved to be part of the team but oh wells.. we'll still be ard rooting for u guys!! jia you!! gambate!!
-can u all imagine im almost tearing as i write up this post, wad a weakling! haha-